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*~ Friend said she needs to be dominated ~*
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guitardude666
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« on: October 24, 2011, 07:45:12 AM »
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Hello I have recently met another friend who is into being totally dominated by men.  She has expressed her feelings for me but when it comes to sexual talk she is all about being dominated and "put in her place".  I like rough sex though not to the point where its too rough, afraid i might hurt her.  Any tips on dealing with a girl like this? thanks
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« Reply #1 on: October 28, 2011, 10:44:48 PM »
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You must find out exactly what she means.  Some folks just want to be dominated during sex.  Others wish to have a D/s relationship, which can get complicated fast.  She may think she knows what she wants without really knowing, and she may be wanting something completely different.

The key here is that something like this required clear and frank discussion, so that both sides fully understand the desires of the other.   Boundries and safe words may be required.  There are plenty of sites in the net to do a bit of research.
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shamo84
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« Reply #2 on: November 06, 2011, 11:25:43 PM »
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i wish i had one like that
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scuter
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« Reply #3 on: November 08, 2011, 12:38:35 AM »
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im with jwhit. communication is critical, and i would want to know exactly what is wanted for the first couple times.  good luck!
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« Reply #4 on: January 06, 2012, 03:52:34 PM »
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u dont have to punish her hard. the dominance is also to command her. just try this and watch if she wants u to get more rough.
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erteple
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« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2012, 11:58:15 AM »
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I'd like to say that there's a difference between domination and pain- while she needs to be dominated, the guy doesn't even have to touch her- he just barks at her or threatens her, so she is "put in her place". I think if she told U this, she wants it not only during the intercourse but demands it more often... Just try to find (on google for example) how many chicks just love to be severely spanked :-D and some of 'em really live vith real rough guys and let them beat'em and it's OK for them... It's just every girls personality and I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I think when such a girl is a friend of yours, she just can't take you for her "master" ;-)
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forcedcunnilingus
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« Reply #6 on: March 29, 2018, 08:01:50 PM »
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plz see my answer to "in training" question above.  communication is key yes, plus understanding why she wants any sort of kink at all.  it sounds as if you are not kinky.  there is a danger of trying to hit her too hard to prove that you are masculine, which is a common disaster.  one should never actually enjoy giving pain for one's own pleasure.  there is plenty of pleasure to be had from tying her up, listening to her increased arousal from that, and then learning as you go what works for her.  2 kinds: women who were abused, and women who are repressed.  oh and 1 more, very rare! women who come so easily that their orgasms are not satisfying, usually these are in swingers clubs and have already had at least 2,000 partners before you.  they need tease denial to build to a big one such as they have not had ever or for years.  a true challenge, type 3 submissives, not really submissives in the sense type 1 and 2 are.  they just know that they need bondage to get that release, and even that does not work unless you know your stuff. 
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« Reply #7 on: February 04, 2020, 04:02:15 AM »
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I have worked with about 20 women who had a need to be dominated and who told me why, and maybe 50 who were more casual whom I met only in clubs etc.  The ones whom I knew well had some sort of abuse situation before they were 18.  Typically it was pretty serious and was under their teen years.  Often this is not something they are willing or able to discuss, so don't ask.  You don't need to know any details.  The scenario is like this:
1) the original event is not sexy because the person (male or female) is not aware of their sexuality and it may not even be turned on yet although teens are sexual before most people think they are
2) they may be terrified, curious, flattered, whatever in the original event(s) but what matters is how the memory (ies) are treated later
3) aspects of the original events become important -- the memory is taken out and put back differently.  a memory record has the central events and elements intact, but many things blur.  for example, the negative aspect of terror may well be removed, but elements like physical items may remain.  
4) hence fetishes.  for example, a boy may be forced to fellate in a public restroom where urine is a smell the entire time.  he may be interested in being forced to drink urine.  domination where someone has boots on can be exaggerated into a huge boot fetish -- worship of shoewear in general. and so on
5) what is central is that the person who is underage is always getting self-esteem "deposits" and "withdrawals." this is what is often wrong with parenting, managing at work, teaching and so on -- the withdrawals are not managed right (read the one minute manager).  so, enough withdrawals and you have too low a self esteem to properly manage this one aspect of your life -- sex/romance -- if that is the area where it happened, but the rest of your life may be ok.
6) one "patient" of mine (i am the same, hence I could treat them with understanding) said she was occasionally told "i love you" by some boyfriend.  she would narrate to herself "yes but he does not know you are a slut... and so on." so she could not have vanilla sex, relationship and so on due to her self-image.  she had had 20 years of therapy and could only self-diagnose herself with a great vocabulary.  that same sentence is in the film "Secretary," which go see!
7) of the 20 patients many came with husbands, sig others etc, who were "unable to make them cum" despite valient efforts at cunnilingus, spankings, etc.  They could not properly manage the theatre of giving self-esteem withdrawals and then a proper self-esteem boost at the end like "good slave, you were a good slut for me."  The bottom who has the low self-esteem needs to FEEL that the top REALLY despised them -- the theatre needs to be convincing, that's all.  So slap them.  You don't need to use a lot of pain -- humiliation is much more likely to be the crucial element than hard pain.  And it is NEVER important to hurt anyone really.  the Epidermis is the only area to visit.  
Cool why pain?  consider slapping a cheek -- on people with light skin, you see something like a blush -- this is not internal bleeding!   the mind says -- that area is under attack -- let's dilate the blood vessels, in this case capillaries, and over-feed the area so it recovers -- so it looks red with oxygen rich blood.  Very interesting that when you fall down or do something stupid -- and people you care about laugh -- your face does the exact same thing.   Shame causes vaso-dilation too.  True humiliation, extreme humiliation, causes an entire epidermis to blush!  This is the same as being slapped/spanked all over your skin, without pain!  So, the person who is a bottom typically needs a balance between humil and pain -- every one is different.  I myself like a lot of both but am 80 20 humiliation, straight male bottom.  But a straight humil bottom means feminization to replace the pain the straight male pain bottoms have to take -- whipping versus paddles and floggers.  The videos here are pros and are more extreme than you need to be!  Pay more attention to the verbal interchanges -- mostly missing in male over female Kink products, unfortunately, but often there in female over male videos from anyone.  I like the "slavemouth" series if  you want to hear verbal degradation of females by males -- extreme, true, but there is very little pain, just slapping.  
filejoker.net: SlaveMouth.com Siterip 16 Videos in 1080p HD
enjoy and feel lucky, but it is much harder to find a female top than a bottom.
in my day, long ago, one Hopes there was more abuse than today.
the other aspect of course is that LGBTQ people can have low self-esteem for much more complex reasons than can be described, and enter the scene with different self-images and needs than I attempted to summarize here.  I am happily married to a woman who is willing to top me just as i need from time to time, and I spent decades in the Chicago Discussion Club, and clubs elsewhere like Albuquerque trying to help women with these issues.  Unfortunately, many (most?) male tops just see female bottoms as a sort of opportunity to masturbate into live bodies who don't require conversation or treatment as individuals.  This means that those encounters don't turn into lasting relationships and the women often feel confused and betrayed, although the first few sessions can be exciting -- what went wrong?  In a phrase, he just wasn't that into you -- never thought about you.  But he probably knew his knots and was safe and sane if he is in a club or he would be kicked out.  So look for the clubs in your city, go to a city if you are not in one, top or bottom, and watch and learn, better than these videos by far.  Go as a couple and do not play for the first x times?  

last, the "50 shades" is hard to review.  one should never recruit a bottom, and he does.  on the other hand, recruiting a top -- what we are talking about -- is ok.  but i myself (cover story author for Kink magazine, every issue, no relationship to the website which did not exist then -- neither did the internet!) -- and of course the wonderful Ann Rice -- both tried seriously to do what 50 shades has done and we failed along with countless others.  50 shades has made it mainstream!  comedies like Bad Moms can say "he 50 shaded me" and it is completely a normal joke and a thing a normal mom could say to another normal mom.  I feel like gays must feel in comparison to how we all felt in 1960, 1970, when both bdsm AND being gay were considered pathological by the psychiatric establishment.  bdsm still is.  they say that "fetish practice always escalates."  my ass always escalates.

i was in an entire 10 year marriage and after it was over my ex-wife asked why we never played around with uranophilia, either way (we were both switches).  if it always escalated, how come we never went over the play lines we had set?  people read and write books (i write books) and it's not informed by personal real-world experience so they just make stuff up and call it a rule, like being gay is caused by your mom or something like that.  in fact, the two hemispheres of your brain are closer to equal in size if you are gay or lesbian, so it is an adaptability mechanism evolution gives the species in order to help us with a tithe (1/10th) of potentially wiser, better balanced individuals.  not leaning towards logic/geometry or relationships/creativity at the expense of the other.  i wonder whether neanderthals (we are all to some extent that) had less gays?! or bdsm??
« Last Edit: February 04, 2020, 04:05:19 AM by forcedcunnilingus » Logged
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