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*~ Training help ~*
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drakic
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« on: September 19, 2013, 02:11:07 AM »
ReplyReply

My wife and I tried couple of bdsm scenes few times and it worked well. I use blindfold and tied her with some rope and cuffs acting like her master and she liked it. But she was tied in the way that she can untie herself anytime. That was the condition.

Now, she is interesting in going forward with it, maybe even more than myself. Why? Because I don't know what to do. I know how to tie her because of my work but I don't know what to do and when. I know what result of my actions should be but I am not sure how to it in right way.

So, I'll write you down some of problems and my ideas to solve them which you can upgrade with your advice.

Using rope to tie her without chance to untie herself- She gets nervous if tying lasts for more than 1 minute. After long discussion she told me that I must move her attention to something else. To what? Anal plug, few slap on her ass or tits?

Using clothespin and whip - she is afraid that they will hurt much and she runs when she see them. Should I tie her so that she can't run away? What will be the psyhic result of that?

Using wax - Out of the question

Using blindfold + gag - I'll try to persuade her to go to sexy shop and get gag for herself.

Can you give me couple training scene examples for beginners so that I can achieve some level of obedience from her? I need it for my and hers self-confidence and to see the path I should walk.

Help me with your ideas, please.
« Last Edit: September 19, 2013, 02:14:20 AM by drakic » Logged
Blubberix
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« Reply #1 on: September 21, 2013, 03:39:14 PM »
ReplyReply

Hi,

my opinion: Slow down!
If you are curious, but unexperienced, then start slowly. You don't need obedience just for a little bondage fun.
And in my opinion a gag is out of the question in your situation.
First and most important rule always is: AGREE on what you do!
Remember the most important phrase: SSC - safe, sane, CONSENSUAL!

If your wife agrees, maybe use cuffs that she can not open. They are quick to handle and secure if used correctly.
Since you are using blindfolds, continue. Caress her while bound, see if she can relax, even if she can not free herself.

Regarding whips, sex toys or whatever else you see here:
Talk to her, or even better, just ask her what she likes. This is always the best start. If she has ideas, try them.
If you have ideas, talk to her.

To be a little bit more precise:
If you tie her so she can not run away and then use something she is afraid of, this will probably be the last time you have done bdsm with your wife. If she is interested in trying something like a whip, get a soft one. Show her that you can use it also very gently (just stroking slightly).
If she says you must move her attention: Do something she likes. If it is sextoys: okay. If it is something else: do it.
If you have an idea how to tie, it should be no big problem for you to find a way, how to keep tying short, but inescapable. Maybe you have to breaks, but this should not be a problem.

I think it is impossible to say "do this" or "do that", just because people feel way too different on these things.
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DaneLaw
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« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2013, 09:25:21 PM »
ReplyReply

There are ways to address all of these…


First thing is to talk to her about what parts of your games excite her/are desirable…

For instance, perhaps she dislikes being tied or restrained and would prefer you focus on the DS (Domination/Submission) aspects…

Clothespins can be made less threatening/safer. Assuming what you use is two pieces of wood & a spring-- sand the edges of the business end slightly round & weaken the spring. [To weaken the springs, take the pin apart & slightly untwist the wire of the spring using a screwdriver or something like it. If you brace one end of the spring wire against an upright and stretch each spring to the same angle, you can even create a set with (relatively) constant pressure.]

For a starter 'whip', consider winding a few packages of silk embroidery floss around the length something like an 8x11 tablet then cut the loops at one end and glue and cover the uncut end.
The result should be far less threatening…

Wax -- be very careful of the temperature.
You can find waxes with low melting points -- one commonly used for sculpture intended for lost wax casting melts at 42C/106F.
If you set a cheap hotpot (electric water heater) to ~43C/110F (cooler than most dishwater) the use your bare hand to scoop and drip it, perhaps she may find it enjoyable…
(Flicking icewater on bare skin often has a similar effect and is even safer… Smiley )


Again the main thing is to determine which aspects of the 'hobby' are enjoyable for your partner and explore the possibilities within those limits…
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« Reply #3 on: December 14, 2014, 08:43:28 AM »
ReplyReply

It's too soon for a gag, communication is key here. 

You need to talk about what aspects of BDSM she find most appealing, or most interested in exploring, and why.  Is she actually interested in exploring pain play?  Is it about feeling helpless?  Out of Control?  Service/Submission? 

You should start as light, and simple as possible really and just slowly and gently explore various aspects of BDSM as you go. 

For instance you could just have her wear a collar around the house and nothing else, doing chores, or performing sexual service, following some basic D/S rules, like calling you master, or always kneeling/looking down/crawling etc (this being temporary play for the night of course).  Then do some light punishment when she screws up, simple stuff like corner time, or using her as an ottoman or something.  Then slowly introduce things like light spanking or bondage as you go. 

Test the waters to find out what you each like, and explore further from there. 
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