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*~ Classic Quotes - 2 ~*
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    « on: November 15, 2014, 10:16:59 AM »
    ReplyReply

    Classic Quotes


    "If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would
    be dead."
    Johnny Carson.

    "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
    Paul Rodriguez.

    "Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a
    headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and
    "Keep away from teens".

    "Women might be able to fake orgasms, But men can fake whole
    relationships."
    Sharon Stone

    "My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
    Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

    "I saw a heavy woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I
    said, "Thyroid problem?"
    Arnold Schwarzenegger

    "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men.
    Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
    Tiger Woods

    "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
    Jack Nicholson

    "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but
    he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
    Barbara Bush

    "Ah, yes "divorce" from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
    genitals through his wallet."
    Robin Williams

    "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the
    only time of the month that I can be myself."
    Roseanne

    Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
    Billy Crystal

    "According to a new survey, women feel more comfortable undressing in
    front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say
    that women are too judgmental, while, of course, men are just grateful."
    Robert de Niro

    There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are
    having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe
    swelling. So what's the problem?"
    Dustin Hoffman

    Finally, one of the all-time best quotes:

    In a recent interview, General Norman Schwartzkopf was asked if he
    didn't think there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have
    harboured and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.
    His answer was a classic: "I believe that forgiving them is God's
    function. Our job is simply to arrange the meeting."
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