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*~ Disorder in the Court ~*
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pcio
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« on: May 25, 2018, 01:06:16 PM »
ReplyReply

They are  things people actually said in  court, word for word, taken down and  now published by court reporters, who had the torment of staying calm  while these exchanges were actually taking   place.
1 ____________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:       Are you sexually  active?
WITNESS:            No, I just lie there.
2____________________________________________________________
  ATTORNEY:      What gear were you  in at the moment  of the impact?
  WITNESS:         Gucci  sweats and  Reeboks.
3______________________________________
  ATTORNEY:     This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at  all?
WITNESS:             Yes.
ATTORNEY:      And in what ways  does it affect your  memory?
WITNESS:            I  forget.
ATTORNEY:      You forget?  Can you give us an example of something  you forgot?
4 _____________________________________
ATTORNEY:     What was the  first  thing your husband said to you  that morning?

WITNESS:          He  said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY:     And why did that  upset  you?
WITNESS:         My  name is  Susan!
5 ______________________________________
ATTORNEY:      Do you  know  if your daughter has ever been involved in  voodoo?
WITNESS:          We both do.
ATTORNEY:      Voodoo?
WITNESS:          We do.
ATTORNEY:     You  do?
WITNESS:          Yes,  voodoo.
6 ______________________________________
ATTORNEY:     Now doctor,  isn't  it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about  it  until the next morning?

WITNESS:        Did you  actually pass  the bar exam?
7____________________________________
ATTORNEY:    The  youngest son,  the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS:         Uh,  he's  twenty-one.
8 ________________________________________
  ATTORNEY:    Were  you present  when your picture was taken?
  WITNESS:         Are  you  shitt'in me?
9 ______________________________________
ATTORNEY:      So the date of  conception (of the baby) was August  8th?
WITNESS:           Yes.
ATTORNEY:      And what were you  doing at that  time?
WITNESS:            Uh.... I was gett'in  laid!
10 ______________________________________
ATTORNEY:       She  had  three teens, right?
WITNESS:            Yes.
ATTORNEY:       How many were  boys?
WITNESS:            None.
ATTORNEY:      Were there any  girls?
WITNESS:           Are you kidding?  Your Honor, I think I need  a different  attorney. Can I get a new   attorney?
11______________________________________
  ATTORNEY:      How  was your  first marriage terminated?
  WITNESS:           By  death.
  ATTORNEY:    And by whose death was it terminated?
  WITNESS:           Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
12______________________________________
ATTORNEY:    Can you  describe  the individual?
WITNESS:         He  was about medium  height and had a  beard.
ATTORNEY:    Was this a male or  a  female?

WITNESS:          Guess.
13 _____________________________________
ATTORNEY:      Is your   appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I  sent to  your attorney?
WITNESS:         No,  this is how I dress when I go  to  work.
14______________________________________
ATTORNEY:       Doctor, how many  of your autopsies have you performed on dead  people?

WITNESS:          All  my autopsies are performed on dead  people.  Would you like  to rephrase  that?
15______________________________________
ATTORNEY:      ALL  your  responses MUST be oral, OK?
                                     What school did you go to?

WITNESS  :           Oral.
16 ______________________________________
ATTORNEY:     Do you recall the  time that you examined the body?
WITNESS:          The  autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY:     And Mr. Denton  was  dead at the time?
WITNESS:        No, he  was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
17____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:       Are you qualified  to give a urine sample?
WITNESS:            Huh....are you  qualified to ask that   question?
18 ______________________________________
---    And the  best for last:  ---
19
ATTORNEY:      Doctor, before you  performed  the autopsy, did you check for   a pulse?
WITNESS:           No.
ATTORNEY:      Did you check for  blood pressure?
WITNESS:           No.
ATTORNEY:      Did you check  for  breathing?
WITNESS:           No.

ATTORNEY:      So, then it  is possible that the patient was alive when you began the   autopsy?
WITNESS:           No.
ATTORNEY:      How can  you  be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:           Because his brain was  sitting on my desk in a  jar.
ATTORNEY:      I see, but could  the patient  have still been  alive,
            ;                  nevertheless?
WITNESS:         Yes, it  is  possible that he could have been alive and practicing   law.


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wanderingwarrior
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« Reply #1 on: June 26, 2018, 09:08:44 PM »
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Hah!  These are great!
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safid
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« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2019, 04:05:13 PM »
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Very funny! Thanks for sharing!
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johnny_smith1971
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« Reply #3 on: December 22, 2019, 07:49:42 PM »
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lol
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eagle8279
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« Reply #4 on: May 30, 2020, 10:45:00 PM »
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Very funny  Cheesy
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johnny_smith1971
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« Reply #5 on: August 13, 2020, 07:24:24 PM »
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Bravo sir.
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icetea5
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« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2021, 08:37:31 PM »
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Very funny! Thanks for sharing!
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Zaraoshi
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« Reply #7 on: April 12, 2021, 10:20:03 PM »
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lol so funny
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