THOUGHT FOR THE DAY !
Do you ever notice that every time you find an answer, the question changes
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I had to go visit my friend at the hospital yesterday.
Seems that, in the spirit of the Fourth of July, she lit the string on her tampon..
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Jill: So afterward he said, "That was wonderful. I didn't know women were supposed to move like that during sex."
Margaret: Well, where did he get a stupid idea like that?
Jill: His ex-wife!
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During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married him in the first place.
"I was just stupid," I teased.
When he said he was happy to hear that, I requested an explanation.
"People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."
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Four women were chatting in the locker room, when one of them mentioned the fact that while there were numerous terms for male masturbation jerking off, wanking, spanking the monkey, and so on there weren't any common terms for female masturbation.
"I've always called it 'jilling off'," said one of the women.
"But that's just a feminization of 'jacking off,'" said the first.
"You're right," said another. "We don't seem to have any slang terms of our own for it."
The fourth woman snorted. "After fourteen years of marriage, there's only one thing I call it."
"What's that?"
"Finishing the job."
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When A Man Offers To Do The Cooking
It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.
(1) The woman goes to the store.
(2) The woman "fixes" the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill.
(4) The man places the meat on the grill.
(5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
(7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
(
The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
(10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
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Two men are sitting in a bar together, and one says to the other, "You're really ugly."
The second man says, "You're really drunk."
The first man says, "You know, the more I look at you, the uglier you get."
The second man says, "Listen man, you are really drunk, and I am getting tired of listening to you."
The drunk guy replies, "Yeah well I may be drunk now, but tomorrow morning I will be sober."
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Funny Story
Recently my son-in-law John, was over at my ex's girlfriend's house, doing a few handy man type jobs for her. At some point, she came to him asking for help in figuring out her new stove. John made some friendly comment about the complexity of today's appliances...... "sometimes it seems you need a degree to figure them out......" ......her quick reply.....
"oh I have the degree it's 400"
(Yup a mental giant she isn't)
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Jill was using a power strip to plug her computer and other devices into. Windows was completely frozen, and she was unable to shut down the machine by using the power button. She phoned for computer help and mentioned the power strip to tech support.
The tech told her to flip it off.
Jill said, "Ok, I gave it the finger. I feel much better. Now what do I do?"
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Try to avoid people who are really nice to you.
Sooner or later, you know they are going to ask you for a favor.
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Like a lot of husbands throughout history, Webster would sit down and try to talk to his wife. But as soon as he would start to say something, his wife said... "And just what the hell is that supposed to mean??
Thus, Webster's Dictionary was born!
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Wedding ring: The world's smallest handcuffs.
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A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house.
After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age."
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THE LADIES AT LUNCH
Jill: So he looked hurt and said, "You want me just for my body."
Mary: Is that true?
Jill: Of course not! I want him for just one part of his body.
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Rising Stars Team
